falling on your own sword, the bitter end to a epic adventure

So the trip is over, all the friends, the memories are behind you. All the sunsets and beers on the beach are just a picture on instagram or a photo shared to someones wall. With so much technology at our fingertips keeping in contact with our friends far and wide is often far too easy. A double edged sword of sorts! I recall my first trip overseas to Thailand a long time ago now. I wrote a few emails, I took a few pictures and when I got back I shared all those things with my family and friends and it was amazing. These days I ride continually, I travel perenially and I update my social media at all opportunities. I guess secretly I do enjoy it, but knowing that people who care about me and where I am or what I'm doing can log on and check via so many platforms and see the pictures I share really gives me a buzz. 

I have always put a lot of effort into making good friends, I put a lot of energy into finding these people who compliment me, people who I can learn off, share experiences with, build relationships and forge life long trusting friendships. I've had the opportunity to make friends all over the world and being able to connect with these people with entirely different lives to mine reinforces why I do what I do. Somewhere deep down in my psyche, the part of me which strives to learn, the dark part of my brain that makes me grow so bored so easily but also urges me to challenge myself physically to go beyond the norm, I desire to fill it with cherished and deeper meaningful relationships. Searching the world for people who understand what I demand from life, I have found them, and they know of who I speak.

I never really set out this trip with a plan, lots of people asked me as I rode south from America and into the scary depths of Mexico (it wasn't scary at all), What is your plan? The honest truth was that I had none, at the time I wasnt so sure myself if I even wanted to continue with it, I had found so many good people in America and in particular Arizona, I was happy. I felt secure and home after months of travel and on the road. It's hard to imagine the "eat , sleep , ride, repeat" of life riding around America, but by the time I had gotten to the border I was excited to hangout and make friends and talk to people. So as I packed the bike up and prepared to head to the Baja, I felt a little unsure of myself. I had dreamed of riding the Baja desert for a long time, but I never imagined doing it this way, with a off road / sports bike by myself and camping on beaches as I moved along the Sea of Cortez. 

So where does that leave me now, I left Revelstoke , BC a couple of months ago. Nearly 14,000kms have passed under me as I toured through America then down Mexico and back to Arizona. I have camped by beaches, learned lots of Spanish, made many friends and have a tonne of pictures and video to remember the trip by but now I'm back reflecting on it all I cant begin to absorb the gravity of the entire adventure. I need more space and more time to let it sink in. Or perhaps I have taken too long and its all gone, preparing for the next adventure as I ride on still pursuing the lifestyle I dreamed of on the road. My ex girlfriend (who knew me better than most people) once said "Glen, you'll never be happy". I think she was referring to the fact that I dont stop to appreciate the things I have. I think she was pointing out that I get bored and as soon as I achieve one thing I have two more ready to go. One way of looking at that is that I'll never be happy, another way to perceive it would be that I am ambitious and constantly striving for my own happiness. Two sides of the same coin perhaps.

Honesty was something I touched on in the last blog entry, I also briefly talked about how I want to adapt this blog into something dynamic and brutally honest so that people who want to know the real me are able to come into my life and those who dont like it have the same opportunity to leave at any time. My belief is that by having an open channel to communicate through there will never be any means of deception, lying or confusion. I can speak my mind freely and anyone who chooses will know its unbias and that what I tell one person is the same thing the next person see's, reads, hears. It's a difficult transition, because we all hide some of our thoughts. Its natural, of course we subconciously filter out a lot of what goes on in our brain, fear that people will judge us and respond with sometimes unwarranted harassment. Also the truth often hurts people, of course there are people we know who wouldnt like to know some of our thoughts. But my point is that do we really want those people in our lives, and my choice is no. It's not an easy choice, it defy's everything I was brought up to believe and follow. But the last few years riding around the world has taught me how important relationships are in my life. I think time and people are the only things which really have any value and sadly we now live in a culture where we put so little value on those things, we spend our money and time on things which dont really matter to us. I believe this is where a lot of our societies 'depression' comes from. Our minds are fantastic at creating a false truth and lying to ourselves to make us feel happy. I lived it for a long time, until I split it open and searched for the truth. I had to face up to things which made me sad, made me cry, I broke down and crushed the heart and dreams of the woman I loved so that I could find myself again. Because loving someone begins with yourself. Find who you are, and you will find the path which leads you to the gates of happiness.

 

PS - all my blog posts are written freehand and are completely unedited - I accept there will be some spelling and grammatical errors because of this so stick with me and try keep this in mind when reading and replying to anything. I want it to be real and raw and I just write it down and press publish, its that simple. Also, I never claimed to be a writer. HAHA